понедельник, 20 октября 2008 г.

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Iapos;m sad.
i miss my boyfriend.
heapos;s the only person
that can make me laugh or smile.
like genuinely laugh or smile..
not the fake stuff, the real thing.
i havenapos;t had that in such a long time.
itapos;s only been like 2.5 hours since i last talk to him
but thatapos;s much too long.
i hate hanging up the phone with him
i wish i could live with him
instead of living in this shit hole.
ok itapos;s not a shit hole..
i grew up in this place,
but i think iapos;d be much happier
if it were him I together.

My current living situation sucks.
my mom i sleep in the same bed.
itapos;s horrible.
iapos;m 18.
itapos;s not supposed to be like this.
anyways, i talked to my boyfriend about getting some money.
because i need $$$$$$$$$ a min-wage job just aint gonna do it, honey.
i need like money in bulk fuck 7.50/hr .
iapos;m not going to be someoneapos;s slave for a few bucks an hour
we can make our own money.
we will.
it might be drastic, dangerous, crazy, illegal.
but weapos;ll do this. Together we can conquer the world.
first i need to conquer this financial situation.
so i can get the hell outta here, and maybe get an apartment.

iapos;m fat.
as usual.
it never ceases to amaze me anymore
how much fat 1 body can actually store on itself.
itapos;s quite grotesque, actually.
iapos;ll never be good enough
i donapos;t understand how he thinks iapos;m beautiful
he says he loves every single part of me,
but i donapos;t understand how.
i just like it.
i love feeling....Loved.


I want him to call me Right Now. I hearts; u terrance

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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Today, I worked a 10 ta 3 shift at Little Caesars.� Iapos;ll be workinapos; a 4 ta 8 tomorra.� Iapos;ve jus been playinapos; Brawl the past couple days. �Hereapos;s what I got on last nightapos;s Survivor.� Foapos; the Reward Challenge, the reward is an herb garden wit salt, oil, and chili sauce.� Since the challenge involved tossinapos; fruit, any fruit the tribes catch can also be they reward.� Like always, the winninapos; tribe would send someone from the losinapos; tribe ta Exile Island.� Kota once again thrashed Fang.� Kota sent Sugar ta Exile Island once again.� On Exile Island, Sugar pretty much enjoyed the same comfort she did last time she was exiled.� Fang was almost ready ta go ta the Immunity Challenge and G.C. Went AWOL foapos; a while.� The tribe found G.C. In time and went on ta the challenge.� Unfortunately, in spite of G.C. Makinapos; it, Fang once again was pounded by Kota.� At Tribal Council, G.C. Was thrown outta the tribe.� Damn it� Iapos;d like ta start seeinapos; Kota lose some challenges so the fag can get kicked out of the game.� Ideally, Iapos;d like the fag ta go next week.� Hopefully that happens next week.� Iapos;m jus chillinapos; right now.� Iapos;ve reached the end of yet another entry.� Another postapos;ll emerge tomorra.� Skillz is logginapos; out.

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четверг, 16 октября 2008 г.

dayhoff




Im tired.
Tired of studying.
Tired of going for tuition.
Tired of the�student who never fail to�make me pek chek but fail her exams.
TIred of teaching her and feeling nervous for her exam when she is still fooling around.
Tired of staring at my books, notes and books notes and......
Tired of travelling around finding seats.
Tired of climbing the overhead bridge.
Im just tired.

i need a real break.
A break that will make my mind not think about exams.
But i cant afford to waste more�time this weekend.
I need to mug. Hard

And i have decided.
I wont continue tuition with them although its only the younger sister giving problemssss.
Its sad when you put in effort to teach but she is playing and laughing thinking im joking with her.
Too bad i dont have the fierce face which i knew the day i joined innotrek.
and the little secret that kid told me saying " my mother say ure from�prison".
Who cares if its true or the kid fooling around, but i think its funny.
Craps

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A white labcoated Tristan Farnon meandered outside the shelter and lit a cigarette, the familiar scent and flavor of smoke a comfort for one so far from home. If he shut his eyes, he could nearly imagine himself back at Skeldale House, with its tiny surgery and miniature waiting room and Mrs. Hall preparing lunch for the Farnon brothers plus associate. Practically quaint when compared with Haurvatatapos;s futuristic (to him) shelter and hospital. He didnapos;t mind the village that much, actually. He had a job, which provided him room and board, and the village had interesting people. And no farm animals meant he didnapos;t need to assist in difficult births in the middle of the night in some godforsaken barn.

Granted, he hadnapos;t gone for a visit to the stables yet.

He took another drag from his cig, settling in to enjoy the rest of the morning. Widget wandered outdoors not long afterwards, flopping to the pavement at Tristanapos;s side and, as always, refusing to budge.

[ooc: open for any shelter business or passersby; slowtime is love]
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Seit der 12 habe ich nun das Gl�ck bei Frau K.-G. Englischunterricht zu haben. Ob man das Gl�ck nennt? Ich kann es euch nicht genau sagen. Denn diese Frau ist so verpeilt, das glaubt ihr nicht. Sie finden die Bl�tter nicht, die sie uns noch unbedingt austeilen muss, damit wir die darauf stehenden Aufgaben als Hausaufgabe bearbeiten k�nnen. So weit - so gut. Nur hat sie uns die Bl�tter schon l�ngst ausgeteilt, und checkt dies noch nichtmals wenn der ganze kurs schon schreit: "Die Bl�tter haben wir schooooon" Nach 10 Minuten - der Kurs ist schon heiser - kommt dann: "Ach, dann werd ich euch die wohl schon gegeben haben, guckt ihr mal bitte in euren Unterlagen". Da f�llt einem doch nichts mehr ein.
Heute zum Beispiel wollte sie uns erkl�ren woraus sich England, Great Britain und the United Kingdom besteht. Und jeder wei�, England ist England; Great Britain besteht aus England, Wales und Schottland; und folglich kommt um das K�nigreich zu verfollst�ndigen North Ireland noch zu Great Britain dazu. Nur sie war der festen �berzeugung, dass Wales North ireland sei, und kam nicht darauf welches Teilland denn noch fehlte...bis der Kurs sie dann dar�ber aufkl�rte.

Weiteres folgt bestimmt...


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среда, 15 октября 2008 г.

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Then she regarded it seriously and said, I ensured around you. They seem, without doing friends o.k. Why do I need friends? Come on Tommy, that is different and you knows it. I was already married. In addition I have already a man. Sue said and affectionately squeezed its shoulder together. Well I have much time up to now. In addition I have already a woman. Tommy answered and smiled at using own words of its Mammas. Sue sighed in frustration. Good arenapos;t we purify pairs are we? Mamma, are you my best friend, said Tommy seriously, snuggling into their arm. And you are my best friend, said Sue and also again embrace him. However it could not let it go. They need still up to now. Tommy took a deep breath. Tommys mouth was opened, but nothing came out. Its head dropped back to the sofa and it closed its eyes. Its face seemed to color in the embarrassment.

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Dear karen,
i donapos;t love you like everyone else does. You need to find out why your friends and family love you. They love you. And you donapos;t. Do you know how stupid that is?�itapos;s ridiculous. I know youapos;re mad that you donapos;t love yourself. I know how you sometimes cry yourself to sleep because youapos;re not like everyone. You obviously forgot why you picked the name uniquekidd youapos;re one of a kind girl. Donapos;t you know that? why donapos;t you understand that you have people who love you? why donapos;t you understand that God made you this way for a REASON. Please understand this. Please understand me. I know youapos;re scared that youapos;ll never be able to love yourself and itapos;s going to be okay. You have to spend time with yourself. Put life on pause and try to figure yourself out. You need it and i know you do. You have to stay and find where you stand in life. You need to realize that people love your crazy, giddy self. They love how fun you can be. They love you.

please understand what iapos;m saying to you. Iapos;m afraid youapos;re going to cut yourself or just starve yourself like before. You have a reason to live. You have a reason to walk on the earth. You just have to find it first and loving yourself is the�first�step.�donapos;t kill yourself. Donapos;t think about killing yourself in different ways. Just donapos;t do it. I know you have your times where you just want to cut it up�but you canapos;t do it. I know you want to go set the place on fire and watch it burn but you canapos;t do it. I know you want to explore life and just go off on people. I know all of this�but you canapos;t. Youapos;ve got people to meet later on in life, youapos;ve got people to hate, people to look up to. Donapos;t end it please. For me?

love,
the inner diva.

ps. Just watch all the self love videos you can ever find on youtube. Itapos;ll be good for you.

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вторник, 14 октября 2008 г.

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It will... Last night I checked my wallet to pay for food and relaized that my Gold Debit Card was missing, I soon ran back and started looking out for it. I called up home to find out if I left it there. Janice told me that she searched the entire house and its not there. I asked her to call up my mom and tell her to block my card, since any one could directly withdraw about 20K in cash or over 75K in a single purchase. Since the network was bad, Janice thought I was talking about my Credit card and put in a request to cancel my credit card. I called up in a few minutes and realized that I am half way to Dharamshala with just 4K. I just paid 2K for my room for 4 days and still have to pay from my registration and tour which is going to be about the same... Fuck

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I didnapos;t know I was grateful
for such late-autumn
bent-up cornfields

Yellow in the after-harvest
sun before the
cold plow turns it all over

Into never.
I didnapos;t know
I would enter this music

That translates the world
back into dirt fields
that have always called to me

As if I were a thing
come from the dirt,
like a tuber,

Or like a needful boy. End
Lonely days, I believe. End the exiled
and unraveling strangeness.
--Bruce Weigl

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